I listened to this record (and yes, I said record) probably a million times when I was an angsty teenager, sprawled across my double bed, knees bent, feet flying around in mid-air, flipping through the pages of Seventeen magazine, dreaming of the day when….oh, lots of fantastic and magical things would happen. I thought I would be making food for a living, or writing a column for a magazine, definitely married with kids, driving a station wagon or 4-wheel-drive around town while I shopped at produce markets, listening to Psychedelic Furs on the cassette deck, planning dinner parties with friends, all of whom bought their clothes at the Gap, United Colors of Benetton and L.L. Bean.

This piece was my favorite, when Roseanne Roseannadanna spoke at the Columbia School of Journalism. I would pretend she was talking to me.

So, some of this musing has indeed happened. I do indeed make food for a living, I write for different publications on occasion and in this space here, I’m married with one child of my own who turned 20 yesterday (what?), I drive a Subaru Outback (kind of a station wagon, no?) around town while I shop at farmer’s markets, I listen to the Furs on Pandora, I have friends over occasionally for dinner, and yes, most of them dress like those preppy outdoorsy models I’d see sitting on a plaid picnic blanket or leaning against a worn fencepost, laughing and drinking hot coffee from a thermos. I don’t read Seventeen any more, now it’s more like Bon Appetit or Sunset.

And although most of what I thought would magically happen to me has indeed happened, it hasn’t happened magically. It’s taken blood, sweat and yes, tears. And years. All told I wouldn’t trade a thing. Nope. None of the suffering, none of the tears, none of the blood and none of the years. This life was never guaranteed to be pain-free. That’s what Jesus said in John 16 verse 33: “I have told you these things so that in Me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world”. So what I love to do is this: put it all in perspective with the Lord, put on my “Gilda: Live from New York”  record, make some food that makes the house smell delicious, and call a friend  or one of my sisters to say hello.

In the meantime, I did indeed audition for Food Network Star, but it was really more of an intake interview than an audition. I waited about an hour and a half with my sister, who tried to soothe my nerves by talking to me like the mom in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. I was number 39 and the casting team kept calling names three at a time. Sister kept tally marks on the back of a pink envelope while I looked over my 11-page application for the millionth time.

I was totally prepared. I had the application, my resume, two headshots, a picture of me at two holding batter-covered beaters, copies of my clips of articles written about me and DISH, clips of pieces I’d written for magazines, papers, and online sites, food columns from college, a box of fresh scones, a bag of DISH Blend coffee, DISH granola, cookies, tri tip rub, a DISH ball cap, menus, logos, etc. I WAS PREPARED PEOPLE!

So I kept having to use the restroom as the time got closer, until finally there were just four people ahead of me, when I said I had to pee again. My sister looked at me, and in her best Greek mom voice, said “You no have no pee. You just nervous.” I totally cracked up, then my name was called.

There were three little seating areas in the lobby of the hotel, and we were told to keep moving forward in the chairs as people came out of the conference room, which was happening every minute it seemed. So I moved  up a chair at a time until it was my turn. Then I went in, the young lady (like 25ish?) told me to have a seat at a small folding table and asked me these three questions: “How did you get started in food? Why do you want a Food Network Show? What is your Food Point of View?” Three seconds later, we were done. So short! Such a buildup, then just waiting. More waiting. Still waiting! The deadline for applying to Season 8 passed today, so I sent a follow- up email with the link to this interview taped right before I left for the Burbank Airport.

http://www.mynews4.com/news/local/story/Nancy-Horn-hopes-to-dish-up-treats-on-a-national/KPKylqKqMUehG7hdNPKe2g.cspx

While I wait, I meditate on this piece of Scripture, Jeremiah 29:11: ”‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope.’” 

And I remember this quote from Gilda:

So Food Network, please give me a call. On my cell phone. I am ready.

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